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A very nervous first time cruiser approached the Captain: “Do ships like this sink very often?” Replied the captain: “Not too often – Usually, it’s only once.”

Corny? Sure. But P&O Cruises think Australians love their jokes so much, they’ve lined up some of the best comedians and laid on the biggest-ever season of comedy for 2019 with 38 comedy cruises.

There are 13 big-names from the belly laugh business headlining the season, including Tom Gleeson, Dave Hughes, Dave Thornton and Mel Buttle.

Their comedy cruises  – called ‘The Big Laugh’  – depart from Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide and Auckland and range from two to four nights of rib-tickling fun.

A single short three-night cruise will be jammed packed with 32 shows –  that’s 1,500 minutes of jokes combined.

“From big marquee performances to intimate gigs in our many stylish bars and lounges, the cruise will serve up different comedy genres every day and night. There will be something for everyone,” P&O Cruises President Sture Myrmell says.

‘The Big Laugh’ on Pacific Explorer departs Sydney on June 8, 2019. Fares start from $399* per person twin share.

Cruise Passenger is here to help warm up the crowd with what we think are the 10 best jokes at sea. Feel free to add your own!

1. What keeps a dock floating above water?

Pier pressure.

2. Why didn’t the sailors play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck.

3. Why are fast yachts like furniture stores?

Both always seem to have a sail on.

4. Which sailors blow their noses most often?

The Anchor Chiefs.

5. If something ever happened onboard where the water supply had to be shut off I’ll give you two reasons why you shouldn’t drink the water that’s left in the toilet.

#1 and #2.

6. Do you have time for a joke about the world’s fastest cruise ship?

Don’t worry, it’s a quick one liner.

7. I got my wife tickets to go on a cruise.

It’s no Titanic, but I’m optimistic.

8. Breaking news: Passengers trapped on a cruise ship on the ocean for 4 days.

On the bright side, it’s kind of what they paid for

9. What does one ocean say to the other when they meet?

Nothing, they just waved.

10. A boat carrying red paint crashes into a boat carrying blue paint.

Unfortunately, the passengers and crew were marooned.


Hold the popcorn! I think we can both agree it’s probably best we leave the jokes to the professionals on board the comedy cruises.

See a few of them in action at the 2019 Melbourne International Comedy Festival last month :

Dave Hughes

Mel Buttle

Dave Thornton

Tom Gleeson