True or false? We scoured the internet for cruise complaints and couldn’t believe what we found reported by travel agents. Can YOU believe people can be this ditzy?

• My clients – a couple – were disappointed when they booked an ocean-view cabin on the bottom deck. They had expected to see fish swimming outside their window and were disappointed to only see the ocean. I guess they thought they were booking an aquarium cruise.

• A couple on a Mediterranean cruise complained about their captain being “rude” and selfish. The couple left a note for the captain in the morning to let him know they would be returning to the ship two hours later than the planned departure time due to having “too much to do in port”. But, they insisted, the captain chose not to wait, departing as scheduled. The couple were forced to catch up with the ship at its next port stop the following day. They wanted compensation for their accrued travel costs.

• A woman on a Celebrity Cruises ship asked for a full refund simply because she didn’t see any celebrities onboard. According to her comments, the company was guilty of false advertising.

• An older couple contacted us to complain about the kindness of the staff onboard their cruise, explaining that they had to spend “a lot more money than planned in tips due to the excellent service”. The couple were seeking compensation for the cost of the tips given out.

• A woman called us to express her disappointment with her inside cabin not having a window to the sea. She said she couldn’t understand why nobody onboard was able to install a window for her so she could enjoy the view, and she expected better service next time.

• One couple wanted their money back for a cruise they’d booked on a Disney Cruise Line ship because their travel agent never told them children would be onboard.

• A woman on a Mediterranean cruise complained about the sea being too loud, claiming it prevented her from having a decent night’s sleep during her holiday. She also suggested the cabins be better sound-proofed against the sounds of the sea.

• A gentleman on a two-week Caribbean honeymoon cruise complained about the lack of ceremony accorded the couple’s newlywed status. He expected the staff onboard to dress their cabin in white, strew rose petals for them each morning and deliver champagne and strawberries each day via a private butler. The grousing groom admitted he didn’t request the measures in question, but expected the staff to know the couple were just married and offer special treatment accordingly – at no extra cost.

• A man on a summer cruise around Alaska complained that the weather wasn’t as warm as he’d expected. According to the disgruntled passenger, “all cruises are meant to be hot”. The man then demanded compensation for having to buy warmer clothing, as he “had only packed minimal clothing for the expected hot weather”, explaining that his expectations of being able to swim in the pool each day and “get an impressive tan” had not been met.